


The Marriage Files

by hariboo



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-06
Updated: 2010-02-06
Packaged: 2017-10-07 01:36:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/59988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hariboo/pseuds/hariboo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They don't like to talk about the fact they've been married about six times off-world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Marriage Files

They don't like to talk about the fact they've been married about six times off-world.

It's one of those non-issues that only plague those that work in the walls of Stargate Command. Except. That for them it's a Non-Issue, capitalisation included by Cam and then agreed upon by Sam and Teal'c.

Everyone that's works in the SGC has had an off-world marriage at least once in their career, and everyone that says they haven't after working at the mountain for more than two years is a big fat liar. In fact, there's actually a filing system for all the off-world marriages — enacted by Hammond when an argument broke out about who deserved Col. Harris' locker after he retired in the second year of the program and Maj. Derek and Cap. Lee both thought they deserved having been legally bound to the Colonel on PX0-744 and PX8-939, respectively. The mission reports where looked at, the importance of the circumstances under said marriage (Feasts were ranker lower than Festivals which were ranked lower than Celebrations) and in the end Cap. Lee won the locker. After, Gen. Hammond thought it would be good to keep a record of all the off-world marriages (and the divorces that happen in the Gateroom) — just in case. So in the mountain when somebody yells to somebody jokingly that they 'should have asked for a divorce' or 'never married them' it's a fair chance that, well, they're not actually joking.

For Daniel and Vala it's different. They don't even _joke_ about it.

**

The first time it happens it is at Fertility Festival on P9X-872 and there is a look between Mitchell and Daniel before Mitchell steps back, a sunny grin on his face, and waves to Vala.

"She's all yours."

Daniel glares. Vala quirks a smile. Teal'c and Sam wisely keep their laughter down.

**

After that it sort of becomes the default that Daniel and Vala would be the "newlyweds", expect for the one time that Vala marries Cameron because Daniel was in Atlantis. When he returns and hears about the "wedding" he becomes characteristically quiet and snappy towards both of them until Teal'c just happens to mention they had not even stayed long after the feast. Daniel becomes much more pleasant after that. He blames the snappiness on the fact he had been electrocuted. A lot.

**

This is approximately what the Marriage Report for Daniel Jackson reads like:

> `Abydos: 1997-1999; Sha're (deceased)`
> 
> `PX3-992: March 1997; Maj. Samantha Carter (divorced; gateroom)`
> 
> `P3X-374: June 1998; Maj. Samantha Carter (divorced; gateroom)`
> 
> `PX2-132: August 1998; Col. Jack O'Neill (annulled; after ceremony due to miscommunication between Dr. Jackson and the High Priest of PX2-132 and gunfire. Lots of gunfire.)`

 

It continues on like this for about a page when it turns into this:

> `Earth: September 2004; Vala Mal Doran (invalid; revealed to be Jaffa handcuffs).`
> 
> `Ver Eger: September 2004; Vala Mal Doran (invalid; as they were inhabiting different bodies).`
> 
> `P9X-872: October 2005; Vala Mal Doran (assumed divorced; gateroom. Note: personal verbal agreement between the two parties?)`
> 
> `PX1-334: February 2006; Vala Mal Doran (divorced; gateroom. Note: never outwardly mentioned, but assumed.)`
> 
> `PX9-324: April 2006; Vala Mal Doran (divorce; gateroom. Note: extensive use of language.)`
> 
> `PX7-123: June 2007; Vala Mal Doran and Cameron Mitchell (divorced; gateroom, twice. Note: V.M.D had extensive complaints.)`
> 
> `PX3-822: January 2008; Vala Mal Doran (divorce; gateroom. Note: even _more_ extensive use of language.)`

 

**

This is what the Marriage Report for Vala Mal Doran reads like:

> `Earth: September 2004; Dr. Daniel Jackson (invalid; revealed to be Jaffa handcuffs).`
> 
> `Ver Eger : September 2004; Dr. Daniel Jackson (invalid; as they were inhabiting different bodies).`
> 
> `Ver Isca: 2004-2007: Tomin (separated, now divorced; Tomin now lives in an other galaxy).`
> 
> `P9X-872: October 2005; Dr. Daniel Jackson (assumed divorced; gateroom. Note: personal verbal agreement between the two parties?)`
> 
> `PX1-334: February 2006; Dr. Daniel Jackson (divorced; gateroom. Note: never outwardly mentioned, but assumed.)`
> 
> `PX9-324: April 2006; Dr. Daniel Jackson (assumed divorce; gateroom. Note: extensive use of language.)`
> 
> `P7X-092: October 2006; Lt. Col. Samantha Carter (assumed divorced; gateroom. Note: they only smile when asked.)`
> 
> `PX2-184: March 2007; Lt. Col. Cameron Mitchell (divorced; gateroom).`
> 
> `PX7-123: June 2007; Dr. Daniel Jackson and Lt. Col. Cameron Mitchell (divorced; gateroom, twice. Note: V.M.D had extensive complaints.)`
> 
> `PX3-822: January 2008; Dr. Daniel Jackson (divorce; gateroom. Note: even _more_ extensive use of language.)`

 

**

The Marriage Files are mostly an ongoing fun moral booster, but it has to be mentioned that until Vala Mal Doran moved into the mountain none of the divorces under Dr. Jackson name had been assumed.

Most often, even before briefings, the off-world marriages are known because of the tradition to automatically divorce in the minute you step out of the wormhole into the gateroom. Divorces are sometimes occur as a bit of amusing banter between teammates or other times as occasions where things are thrown, but they most always happen right away.

Vala and Dr. Jackson have only divorced once in the gateroom, officially, and the whole room learned just in how many languages those two could fight in. All the other divorces? Well, they're assumed.

Nobody mentions it. Knowing Dr. Jackson and Vala they probably don't think about it too much anyway, they always seem to have other things to argue and/or banter about. What's a little off-world marriage when the fate of the galaxy rests on your shoulders after all?

**

Jack likes to tease Daniel about it every time he comes to visit, or calls on the phone, or emails. He grins at Vala, who is perched on Daniel's work top with her pink iPod and _The Sumerians: Their History, Culture and Character_ and turns to Daniel, "So it looks like you and the missus are getting along just fine."

Daniel doesn't even bother to look at Jack over his glasses, "We're not married."

"Daniel! Are you suggesting that Carter and Teal'c _lied_ in their mission reports? That the Marriage Files are _wrong_?"

Vala perks at this, "There are marriage files?" She swings her legs over the table and faces Jack, her ridiculous pink and sparkly earphones dangling around her neck. "Do tell!"

Jack's grin widens, "You don't know about the Marriage Files?"

She shakes her head, the innocent smile plastered on her face makes it look like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. Her eyes, they tell a different story.

"Jack." Daniel warns, but he is ignored and Jack tells Vala all about the Marriage Files.

**

After, Vala only blinks and goes back to her iPod with this to say: "Oh, well, it's not like they count as real marriages then."

She and Daniel share a long look until Daniel shakes his head, "Um, no. Not really." He goes back to his book.

Jack looks between them like he's missing something and shrugs.

Vala flips a page in her book before looking up, "Do we still get presents though? I hear anniversaries are very important in social relationships!"

Daniel doesn't look up from his book, not missing a beat, "We'll figure something out later."

Jack mutters _fruitcakes_ and leaves them in their crazy little world of ancient Sumerians and fake anniversary presents.

**

Vala has Sam print her out a copy of hers and Daniel's Marriage Files. She studies them quietly for an hour before shredding them.

They didn't count as real and actual marriages, she _knows_, but.

When she see an antique set of Sherlock Holmes on e-Bay she bids on them without a second thought. Daniel once mentioned he loved the series and coincidentally the anniversary of their second off-world marriage is in about a month.

**

When Daniel sees the leather bound books he is shocked. When he sees the note from Vala he reaches for the heart meds that Carolyn kept him on after Atlantis.

Three hours later he asks Sam to remind him when the next anniversary comes up. Three hours and ten minutes later he asks Teal'c to remind Sam.

**

It's soft and the lightest shade of green he could find without it being completely pale.

He leaves it in her quarters and then leaves the mountain.

**

When Vala walks into her room after a long session in the gym with Sgt. Siler her eyes fall on the square box on her bed. Gingerly she unwraps the ribbon, leaving it in a blue pile by where her knee is resting on the bed, and lifts the lid.

Her smile is almost too wide because, it is _beautiful and perfect_.

There's no note, but she doesn't need one.

It's the anniversary of their fourth off-world marriage.

**

The next one just happens to occur when they all go out for dinner at Mackenzie's Chophouse. It's a team night so it _really_ doesn't count, but Vala wears her favourite scarf and Daniel picks up the tab.

It's not a date. Really.

Or any sort of special occasion.

But they're all happy and so it has to count for _something_.

Right?

**

There's a celebration on P7X-023. It's the village's Summer Solstice and many young couples are joined together for the night in celebration of a new planting season. The village elder, an older woman with a sly smile and honey coloured eyes invites SG-1 to join in. The end result is Daniel and Vala wearing wreathes that make their foreheads itch and drinking the Lover's Wine, which, yes, it's what they call it.

Daniel doesn't drink much of the wine, only taking a few sips before handing his cup over to Vala who pours it into her own cup and then downs the beverage. They spend the night celebrating with the rest of the team and village until the fires begin dying out and they are led to the hut they are to share, just the two of them. Agreeing to meet at the village centre in the morning they leave the team and settle into their hut for the night.

There's only one bed and the oil lamp is the only source of light, but that's no surprise.

Daniel starts undoing his flack vest, rolling his tired shoulders, "Left or right?" They've slept in decidedly worse and smaller places than this so there's no need to talk about the sleeping arrangements. The bed obviously fits both of them anyway.

Stretching her arms, Vala yawns a little, "Right." She settles on her side, the one closest to the entrance as always, removing her boots as Daniel does the same on the other side of the bed. They pull off their jackets, but that's it. Their shoes are left partly untied and ready to be slipped on at a moments notices. The P-90s are by their jackets and flack vests, but Vala sleeps with a knife under her pillow and Daniel keeps his hand gun within arms reach.

The night outside is quiet, only the sounds of the village quieting down, and they settle in. They're both tired but not really sleepy and when Daniel pulls out his notes, Vala pulls out a book unashamed.

It takes Daniel twenty minutes to notice what she's reading.

"Vala, what the hell are you reading?" He leans down to get a peek at the cover and comes up smirking.

She smirks back. "It's just a romance novel. I don't like bringing books that I'd be sad to lose when we go off-world."

"Oh, I get that. What I meant is where did get— _Tell me_ you didn't order that from my Amazon account."

Vala rolls her eyes, "Of course not."

"Mitchell's?" He gives her an eyebrow and Vala laughs.

"No, but next time definitely." She totally owes Mitchell for the Jell-O prank of last month anyway. "If you must know, I got this book from Cassie last time she came up to visit. She thought I should be reading something other _The Quantum Universe_ or _Understanding Early Civilisations: A Comparative Study_. Mitchell only keeps Tom Clancy on base and I've read all of Teal'c books. Plus, it appeared _enlightening_."

Daniel blinks. "Is Cassie even old enough to read those books?" His brow furrows like it does when he's trying to figure out which Earth language does an alien text derive from.

"Daniel, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but Cassandra is old enough to be acting out several passages of this book." She grins as she tosses him the book.

It's an automatic action for Daniel to grab the book and begin reading on the page that Vala marked down — _and, oh, darling, sometimes you make it too easy_. The reaction is immediate.

"Oh, no she isn't!" He tosses the book back to Vala who catches it with a laugh.

"Daniel."

"No, I don't want to hear it. Lalalalala." He slumps back down on the bed and pulls his notes around him like a barrier.

Vala giggles, _too easy_. She slides down on the bed and rests her chin on her propped hand, looking up at Daniel, a soft smile playing on her lips.

"What?" He doesn't even look over at her, but she can't help but smile at the pout in his voice.

"Nothing, I just find it amusing that you think you're twenty-one goddaughter is innocent to the ways of the men when half of the couples joined tonight where her age or younger."

"That's them, not Cassie."

"Spoken like a true man." She rolls her eyes and gets comfortable on the bed, "Turn out the lamp when you're done."

"Sure."

**

Morning comes gently in the form of a cool breeze through the hut. Daniel and Vala shift awake around 0700. They don't wake curled around each other, the night was warm and the only bodily contact they shared the whole night occurred at 0455 when Daniel rolled in the bed and his arm fell across Vala's midback.

As they wake, Vala is the first one to sit up and she checks the time. 0710. She immediately radios Teal'c, knowing he will be up and gets an update on the rest of the team. She then turns to Daniel, who is just pushing his glasses up his nose. "Morning." She smiles and begins going through her pack for her water. After a few swishes she spits out the taste of _morning_ and the wine they drank last night, then she takes a drink and passes it to Daniel. He in turn hands over the mouthwash he carries instead of a toothbrush and toothpaste and she rinses with that too.

"Thanks, darling." _Minty_, she runs her tongue over her teeth revelling in the clean feel of them. _The Tau'ri really do make some of the most fabulous things in the galaxy._

"Sure. How's the team?"

"They're going to meet us for breakfast at the village centre in an hour."

"Okay. So, ready?" He looks at her and Vala really tries not to smile. This is always the fun part.

The whole trick to selling the off-world marriage is the morning after look, she's learned. The _rumpled_ morning after look. The clothes are simple enough, you just sleep in them, it's the rest that's tricky, which is why they have developed a system.

"Ready." She crawls across the bed and sits on her knees at Daniel's side. His arm goes around her side and pulls her closer, turning to face her properly to face him. She presses against him and licks her lips. The kiss happens naturally. Daniel lips aren't exactly strangers to her own and she knows just how to make look like they've spent an entire night on her instead of these quick minutes.

Her tongue runs across the bottom lip, before sweeping into his mouth to tangle with his tongue. Daniel follows her lead easily and runs a hand through her messy pigtails to deepen the kiss. It's a messy kiss, wet and a little dirty, but it will give the desired result. Her hands run through his hair and she pulls back enough to tug on his bottom lip, bruising it _just enough_. Daniel nips back softly before moving to drag his tongue down her throat and sucking on her neck. She can feel the mark growing and pushes his shoulder when he sinks his teeth in.

They pull back, breathing deeply and Vala's grin covers half her face. "Good?"

Daniel smirks, "Any better and we might be late meeting the team for breakfast." He stands offering her a hand which she takes. "Come on."

They move in silence as they slip their shoes and jackets on. Vala takes a quick minute to pull out her pigtails and run a hand through her hair. She'll have to redo them at breakfast to complete the act, she muses.

The system has proved fool-proof so far.

**

The wormhole opens in the gateroom and SG-1 steps through. Standing offsides Daniel glances over to where Vala is chatting with Sam and nods to Landry as he welcomes them back.

"Thank you, sir! And let's all give a big congratulations to the Newlyweds!" Mitchell slaps Daniel and Vala on the back, chuckling.

"Sixth, Dr. Jackson?"

"Eighth." Teal'c corrects, and nobody mentions how up in the observation room Walter jots something down quickly, after all it could be _anything_.

"I think you just beat out the records for most off-world weddings with the same person." Landry comments idly.

Next to Mitchell, Vala perks. "Does that mean we win something?"

He really should mention divorce, he knows this, even if the Marriage Files aren't taken all that seriously, but he looks over to Vala, who is busy poking Mitchell in the arm and shrugs.

By this point it doesn't even really matter anyway.

**

The fact they broke a record makes it all the way to Washington. Shocker.

Daniel sighs over the phone as Jack bemoans the fact that he hasn't been present at any of the nuptials. He's about to begin banging his head on the desk when Vala makes her way into the room and settles on the chair opposite him, propping her feet up on the table. Daniel glares, and honestly he doesn't even _know_ who the glare is for at the moment, but Vala's feet he can actually _do_ something about and so he pokes the bottom of her shoes with his pen.

_Off_, he mouths. Vala rolls her eyes, but complies.

On the phone Jack is going about wedding presents and bachelor parties. Daniel kinda wants to _die_. Again. Ascension is nice this time of year, he ponders.

Vala must pick up on his sudden suicidal tendencies, "Jack on the phone?"

Nodding, Daniel holds the phone away from his ear, guessing he has about twenty more seconds before Jack expects him to argue that the practices of PX1-334 are more of engagement rituals than actual marriages, so he's only really missed seven weddings.

"He wants to know how he's never been at any of the weddings."

Vala laughs and motions for the phone. Daniel all but tosses it to her.

"Jack! Did you know we get no prizes for breaking records…" she begins in her that tone of hers that's supposed to get men's pants off and props her feet back onto his desk. This time Daniel doesn't push them off, because Vala's dealing with a _bored_ Jack for him, so hell, she can even listen to music without the iPod today if she wants. All day. Okay, for an hour, at least. Daniel starts to smile, but Vala notices the twitch in his lips and gives him a _look_. He coughs instead, realising he's experiencing a very rare moment of being, well, _content_.

"That's what I told Mitchell! I think the celebratory practices for your weddings are terribly outdated. The party barely even lasts for a day after the ceremony. On some planets they go on for a whole week." She laughs at something Jack says and grins, "Well, maybe next time we'll go to this sunny little planet I know that requires the wedding party to be half naked during the ceremony and you can come along."

Daniel raises his eyebrows, clearly translating, _no we are not_, but Vala waves him off.

"That's lovely. We'll talk later, Jack. Bye." Vala hangs up and tosses the phone back to him. "Done! He said he'll call back later he has a meeting to go to."

Daniel settles the phone down and frowns at Vala, "We're not going to that little sunny planet _ever_, just so that you know."

Vala doesn't even bat an eye, "Of course we're not, your military would destroy the ambiance of the place and I don't actually remember how to get there. I think I was drunk. That, and I'm sure they're still probably angry about the relic I stole."

"Vala!"

Shrugging, she drops her feet back on the ground and reaches over to him, "What I got for it kept me and my ship in naquadah for a good three months, trust me when I say it was well worth it. Now come on, we have lunch with the team and we're late." She tugs him up and grudgingly he follows, grabbing the book he had been reading before Jack had called on his way out.

"Fine." He sighs. "Hey, speaking of marriages, when do you want to tell the team about that time in Vegas when we went to visit Sam at Area 51."

Vala purses her lips, and he knows she's only pretending to consider it, "Never. The fact that they completely missed out on _that_ one is just disappointing."

Okay, so maybe Jack really has missed out on eight weddings.

FIN.


End file.
